At least mine
does—all the time
For almost nine years I have dutifully gone to see my oncologist
every three months to assess my prostate cancer condition. And I always experience
a little dread (maybe my PSA has gone hog wild—hasn’t happened so far) but
there is also that glimmer of hope that it has gone to zero and I’ll live
happily ever after (of course that hasn’t happened either).
The PSA isn’t even all that accurate, but for those of us
with ongoing prostate cancer, it’s the best measure we currently have. The week
before the oncologist appointment there are blood tests and sometimes other
tests as well. No problem. It’s finding out the results that’s brings on the
anxiety. In my case, my blood pressure spikes every time.
Worse yet, many of us guys (including me) probably put too
much stock in the results of those tests—an increase in PSA is discouraging and
a decrease is encouraging. That makes sense except for the times it’s not
logical. E.g. if a PSA score goes from 5.1 to 5.5 (not even statistically
significant) it feels like bad news. If the PSA goes from 91 to 89 (again, not
statistically significant) there is a feeling of new hope. So the numbers don’t
seem to be as important as whether they trend ever so slightly up or down.
My PSA scores have had ups and downs like a mini roller
coaster over the years. Except for a brief time after surgery and radiation (when
it was nearly zero) it has fluctuated from two to four to three to five and back
and forth depending on the current treatment and how long I’ve been on it. No
treatment has helped for more than a year or two. Some new medications help
immediately and some don’t help at all. There are many, many meds yet to try so
this situation is likely to go on and on and on...
I don’t think about these things very often and most of the
guys I know who are in my condition (just dropped in to see what condition my
condition was in) say the same thing. 99% of the time I’m positive or
oblivious, and then there’s that 1% of the time when I fall prey to mind
tricks, emotional reactions, and the failing logic of ‘what if’. But this won’t
be a problem for another three months, so let life go on.
axman
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