How Your Mind Can Play Tricks on You

At least mine does—all the time

For almost nine years I have dutifully gone to see my oncologist every three months to assess my prostate cancer condition. And I always experience a little dread (maybe my PSA has gone hog wild—hasn’t happened so far) but there is also that glimmer of hope that it has gone to zero and I’ll live happily ever after (of course that hasn’t happened either).

The PSA isn’t even all that accurate, but for those of us with ongoing prostate cancer, it’s the best measure we currently have. The week before the oncologist appointment there are blood tests and sometimes other tests as well. No problem. It’s finding out the results that’s brings on the anxiety. In my case, my blood pressure spikes every time.

Worse yet, many of us guys (including me) probably put too much stock in the results of those tests—an increase in PSA is discouraging and a decrease is encouraging. That makes sense except for the times it’s not logical. E.g. if a PSA score goes from 5.1 to 5.5 (not even statistically significant) it feels like bad news. If the PSA goes from 91 to 89 (again, not statistically significant) there is a feeling of new hope. So the numbers don’t seem to be as important as whether they trend ever so slightly up or down.

My PSA scores have had ups and downs like a mini roller coaster over the years. Except for a brief time after surgery and radiation (when it was nearly zero) it has fluctuated from two to four to three to five and back and forth depending on the current treatment and how long I’ve been on it. No treatment has helped for more than a year or two. Some new medications help immediately and some don’t help at all. There are many, many meds yet to try so this situation is likely to go on and on and on...

I don’t think about these things very often and most of the guys I know who are in my condition (just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in) say the same thing. 99% of the time I’m positive or oblivious, and then there’s that 1% of the time when I fall prey to mind tricks, emotional reactions, and the failing logic of ‘what if’. But this won’t be a problem for another three months, so let life go on.

axman

A Secondary Benefit of Having Cancer

OK, there really aren't ANY benefits from cancer , but…

After a couple of years battling prostate cancer I decided to write a book about it. I enjoyed the writing and illustrations/cartoons (Real Men Get Prostate Cancer Too) and I think it was therapeutic – it kept me busy and positive. Of course it would have been nice if it sold a few thousand more copies. Oh well.

Now I’m writing another cancer book (about clinical trials) – with a partner this time. Tom is my oncologist and a well known cancer researcher. There is even a publisher who appears to be interested in it. Go figure!

I’ve been working on it - on and off – for more than a year. But now we’re looking at coming up with a finished manuscript in just a few months.

This is both exciting and a little frightening. There is a lot yet to do and so little time… My first book was self-published so I didn’t actually have to satisfy anybody but me. This time around there’s a co-author and an all-powerful publisher. I won’t have the same control but still all of the same responsibility – to myself, my co-author, and the publisher. Guess I’ll have to learn to live with the stress. Of course, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't enjoy it.

axman

Does a Vacation Make Me Healthier?

…it sure seems like it does

I really doubt if my PSA or blood pressure or cholesterol level actually improves much when I go on vacation. A vacation rarely results in weight loss (just the opposite) but often does improve my tan and mental outlook. So I may or may not actually be healthier after a week or two of R and R.

We’ve been away from a very busy and stressful few months of moving, repairing the old and new houses, packing, hauling, unpacking, and building new rooms on the new house. The good news is that the move has happened and the new deadlines are now a little softer.

After two weeks of relaxing on the Arizona desert I’m sleeping better and longer, able to focus on doing absolutely nothing, and we hike and jeep on the desert every day. We even get lost now and then – but always find our way back home - it's actually fun.

Now we're back home in the Oregon rain, with a house full of boxes to be unpacked, and many, many, many large and small tasks to be done. But, in yet another month, we’re headed out for another short vacation. It seems to work for us.

If you should come across any evidence that indicates vacations are NOT good for mental and physical health – just keep it to yourself.

axman