Getting Priorities Straight…or at Least Straighter

After my ‘Radiation Cystitis’ blog I received several notes (two of them published at the end of that blog) from other guys who had the same thing. They were supportive of me and hoped for a cure to their own cystitis. I too hope they are cured, and then they can tell me how they did it. Life goes on and none of us with radiation cystitis are in imminent danger of disaster--but blood clots can cause blockages that need to be treated. Guys who are at risk should watch for blood and clots and if they appear, get in to see a doctor ASAP.

On a sad and humbling note--one that tends to put things in perspective for me--three good friends have had much more serious medical realities than me in these past few weeks. A cousin I grew up with and continued to visit regularly died after a very long struggle with breast cancer. Another close friend was surprised to find out she has Stage 4 melanoma. And another life-long friend had an event called Transient Global Amnesia. A big chunk of his memory is gone, but doctors think it will return over time. 

Growing old is an adventure and a never-ending series of challenges‑‑as it should be. Whatever I might be complaining about this week pales in comparison to what some of my friends, and probably your friends, are living with. Many conditions of old age are treatable, some are curable, and others can be managed with pain killers, blood thinners, and dietary changes. I even feel a little comfort when my doctor admits that, “There’s nothing medical science can do to help you, so suck it up!” He tends to use more medically correct language, but the message is the same. So I’m resolving to suck it up with a glass or two of good red wine. Life is pretty good--even when I’m grumbling about it.

axman

Sleep More – Do Less

Everybody needs goals

Living a long time is good; being active every day is good; pretending I’m still 40 or 50 or even 60 is not – at least it’s not very realistic.

For example, every few days I need a nap and if I don’t get one I’m nodding off by 9:00 in the evening. There were times in the ‘good old days’ when I could work 16-hour days for weeks on end – and survive just fine. These days I’m lucky to get in six hours of working let alone eight or 10 or 16. And then there’s trying to remember to take my pills in the morning and take my pills at night (I’m not sure what would actually happen if I didn’t).

In my head I know that age and disease slows everybody down (sooner or later) – but I never thought it would happen to ME (I suppose most people feel that way)!

My father was still struggling with this at 90; “Why can’t I work on the roof?” Why can’t I drive at night?” Now I don’t like driving at night.

So, I’m trying (really) to embrace my older, slower self.

axman

A Leged in My Own Mind

…how do I want to be remembered - is there even a choice?

When I was a kid growing up way out in the country, I knew a lot of older men who seemed ancient to me at the time – wrinkled, bald, fat, and sometimes crippled. I was told these guys were war heroes, ex-major league ballplayers, and bi-plane pilots. In my adolescent mind this wasn’t possible. Old duffers were always old duffers; they couldn’t possibly have been young and strong and brave in some past life.

Now I’m older than they were when I knew them. And even though I fit the description from above (wrinkled, fat, bald, and gimpy) I still remember the time when I was young and strong and adventurous. But how do my grandkids (and maybe great-grandkids) see me? Could they even imagine what I was like 25 or 40 or 60 years ago? Probably not.

Will they even know what it means to work your way through college? Would they believe I actually ran all those marathons and ultra marathons? And how could I have survived without HD TV, computers, cell phones, iPods, and especially wifi?

I guess the solution is: don’t worry about it, be happy. Keep doing what I do now. And accept the fact that I will be remembered as a strange old man and not the Greek God I would have like to have been in my wild, impetuous youth. My youngest grandchild was just born - what will he think of his old grandma and grandpa? Don't ask...


axman

Afraid of Dying?

…just about everybody is if they’re being honest and paying attention

Most of my life I never gave a second thought to death or dying unless somebody I knew died. That changed slightly the day I was diagnosed with cancer. Even then it was more strange than frightening. In recent years several close friends have died from long-term diseases including a variety of cancers. I was impressed at how calm, accepting, and unafraid they were.


In my experience, there seems to be a progression of views and beliefs in life.

At 20 I assumed I would live forever and never lose any kind of functioning. For a while that seemed to be the case.


At 50 I felt strong and still indestructible – even though I remember that I considered my parents old when THEY were 50.


At 70 (almost) I have come to accept mortality (sort of). But there is a lot I still want to do. My bucket list is long. I have slowed down some (OK, more than some) and there are more aches and pains than a few years ago. My prostate cancer is under control, for now, and my arthritis and other aches and pains are mainly annoyances.


My mind (this, of course, may not seem to be true to anyone who knows me) seems to be OK most of the time – if you don’t count forgetting lots of things.

I am less patient with long waits for medical appointments, slow payment of insurance claims, rudeness from people who SHOULD be helping me, and people assuming I am stupid just because I’m old and gray. I’ve learned to say things like, “Let me talk to your supervisor”, and “No, that’s NOT OK”!

So I’m just going to get on with it (it being living the way I want) and see what happens.


Axman