Cold, Colder, Coldest…

…and more Coldester (OK, so I just made that up – but it IS accurate)

Ever since we returned from Hawaii in early December I have been cold. There has been an unusual preponderance of cold, ice, snow, and torrential rain this winter. I have been working outside nearly every day to try to get our new garage finished. It has been 50 years since I worked outside in the cold on a daily basis – my night job pumping gas while I was in college.

Am I cold all the time because of advanced age, serious disease, senility, being cursed by Trolls, or some combination of some or all of the above? I wish I knew.

Whatever the cause, I just can’t seem to get warm – and another cold spell is on the way. There’s a lot yet to be done on the garage, including the digging, leveling, and pouring of a concrete floor. That should help keep me warm, hopefully.

But all is not lost. When it’s done (mostly) we’re heading to the Arizona desert for a month or so to warm up. The downside? It has been unusually cool in Arizona this winter, too. I have concluded, however, that a daily high of 60 in Arizona beats a high of 30 in Oregon – by my calculations that's twice as good as a matter of fact.

What are your experiences with the cold? Does age or cancer make a difference or am I just a wuss? Be gentle with me…

axman

2010 and 2011 and all that Stuff

Tempus Fugit – it really does!

Happy New Year yet again. 2010 was a pretty good year (after all, here we all are in 2011). In 2010 I celebrated my 70^th Birthday and 50^th Anniversary (with the help of my loving and eternally tolerant wife, of course). 

And I am entering my eighth year with prostate cancer. I may still be crazy after all these years but my cholesterol, blood pressure, PSA, and weight are all still under control. and NOT going crazy. I’ll take that as a good way to start any new year.

Life is good, time flees (what tempus fugit actually means), and there are still pages and pages to go on my Bucket List.

Maybe 2011 will be the year of the cancer-cure breakthrough! …or maybe not. That's probably not within our realm of choices so don't spend a lot of time worrying about it.

 All you guys living with prostate cancer keep hanging in there (it certainly beats the alternative) and actually do all the things you want to do (within some fuzzy and probably irrelevant legal limits anyway).

axman

You Can Always Go Home Again...

Especially for the holidays

We just returned from two great and glorious weeks in Hawaii. It was relaxing and refreshing. I noticed that I was far enough away from home for my pains to subside, my stress level to drop, and I even slept better. Coming home was good, too, it always is, but it was cold and all that work that needed to be done was right there...waiting. On the bright side, it's time for the kids and grandkids to come by for dinner and gift giving and a little sherry and egg nog.

In Hawaii we reconnected with some old (really old) friends from 20 or 30 years ago. Most of them, like me, were in various stages of disease and decline but it didn't seem to matter. There were strokes, knee replacements, an abundance of arthritic pains, and even one friend with Stage 4 prostate cancer. He's in chemo and weakened but still has his irreverent, self-deprecating sense of humor and was constantly cracking jokes.

I came home inspired to be as strong as they all seemed. I intend to laugh more, focus less on my aches and pains, and especially to avoid morbid thoughts about my own mortality. Sounds like New Years Resolutions - time will tell.

So, Merry Christmas, Enjoy Life, and have a Healthy New Year

axman

Culture Shock - Sort Of...

For several months now my wife and I have been working long hours most days to get our house in shape before winter gets any worse. Aches, pains, fatigue, and cold and wet working conditions have been the norm.

Then, just a few days ago, we packed a bag and flew to Hawaii for two weeks. We didn't make many plans or commitments - just places to stay.

And here we are with almost nothing to do and we're doing it very well so far. It's kind of strange to go from being busy 100% of the time to 0%. It's a shock to the system but somehow we'll manage.

Recharging my batteries is something I need more and more often these days. Fighting (or managing) my prostate cancer takes more energy than I would have thought - I guess it is surprising because of the lack of symptoms. The energy drained by the cancer (and old age) would normally have been used to mix concrete, patch roofs, build shelves, and even run.

I guess I can cope with that for now.

axman

Sleep More – Do Less

Everybody needs goals

Living a long time is good; being active every day is good; pretending I’m still 40 or 50 or even 60 is not – at least it’s not very realistic.

For example, every few days I need a nap and if I don’t get one I’m nodding off by 9:00 in the evening. There were times in the ‘good old days’ when I could work 16-hour days for weeks on end – and survive just fine. These days I’m lucky to get in six hours of working let alone eight or 10 or 16. And then there’s trying to remember to take my pills in the morning and take my pills at night (I’m not sure what would actually happen if I didn’t).

In my head I know that age and disease slows everybody down (sooner or later) – but I never thought it would happen to ME (I suppose most people feel that way)!

My father was still struggling with this at 90; “Why can’t I work on the roof?” Why can’t I drive at night?” Now I don’t like driving at night.

So, I’m trying (really) to embrace my older, slower self.

axman

The Perils of being a Geriatric Adrenaline Junkie

…or maybe it’s a benefit

I spent a lot of the last week climbing around on the 2x4 skeleton of a large barn roof. It needed to be replaced and I hired someone younger and more talented to do the hard work but there was still plenty of climbing left for me. Way up there I move pretty slowly and hang on with at least one arthritic hand at all times.

I’ve noticed that I’m a lot more cautious on high ladders and roofs than I was 20 years ago and infinitely more cautious than when I was 18 (no fear in those days). What ever happened to my balance, grip, and confidence?

After all these years I still get a kick from taking a little risk – jumping out of an airplane for my 65^th birthday, driving the Jeep on steep, narrow, mountain ruts…

It’s fun to be just on the edge – not too close, but just enough uncertainty to get the old heart beating a little faster. Push the envelope just a little bit. I may not live longer but I don’t intend to die from boredom.

When I was first treated for prostate cancer (and NOT cured) I asked my doctor how long it would be before it killed me. His reply was: “Don’t worry; you’re more likely to get hit by a bus than die of cancer!” And that’s just how I intend to proceed; watch out buses!

axman

Does a Vacation Make Me Healthier?

…it sure seems like it does

I really doubt if my PSA or blood pressure or cholesterol level actually improves much when I go on vacation. A vacation rarely results in weight loss (just the opposite) but often does improve my tan and mental outlook. So I may or may not actually be healthier after a week or two of R and R.

We’ve been away from a very busy and stressful few months of moving, repairing the old and new houses, packing, hauling, unpacking, and building new rooms on the new house. The good news is that the move has happened and the new deadlines are now a little softer.

After two weeks of relaxing on the Arizona desert I’m sleeping better and longer, able to focus on doing absolutely nothing, and we hike and jeep on the desert every day. We even get lost now and then – but always find our way back home - it's actually fun.

Now we're back home in the Oregon rain, with a house full of boxes to be unpacked, and many, many, many large and small tasks to be done. But, in yet another month, we’re headed out for another short vacation. It seems to work for us.

If you should come across any evidence that indicates vacations are NOT good for mental and physical health – just keep it to yourself.

axman

Weight Loss - Blessing or Curse or ???

I'm finally losing some weight after all these years

And I'm not even trying. I gained about 20 pounds in the seven years since my PC diagnosis in 2003.

That wasn't good or healthy and I honestly tried to manage my eating and drinking and exercise - sort of. It was like, "The Devil made me do it" whatever IT was.

For the past six months Carol and I have been participating in a clinical trial focused on strength training and stretching. That's the only really different thing in our lives - except for moving this summer and fall. Losing 15 pounds puts me close to where I was and want to be. It's a far cry from my anorexic days of ultra running but it meets my relaxed old geezer standards.

Will I lose more, gain it back, or stay the same? Stay tuned.

axman

When the Meds Quit Working

You never know when it’s going to happen – but it will

It was a long seven years ago when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. For the first year or two I was confident that I would be cured. My doctors were optimistic and all but guaranteed success with my prostatectomy and later with external beam radiation. But it came back. And there were no more surefire cures to try.

Next was a clinical trial – but I had to wait until my PSA was high enough to qualify – had to get unhealthier. The pill I took turned out to be about as effective as a sugar pill – but it didn’t taste as good. And my PSA just kept edging up. Five years into my cancer I started low-dose hormone pills and they kept my PSA at bay pretty well for a couple years. Now I’m taking slightly higher doses of hormones. I am happy that my PSA has been creeping up and not leaping up.

So what happens when the hormone pills don’t work any more (and that time WILL come)? I suppose I’ll get newer and more expensive meds to see if they help. Then there’s always chemo (I have too much hair anyway). With any luck I’ll keep trying newer and more exotic treatments until I’m about 90 and then somebody will finally find a cure. It could happen! The shock of that would probably give me a fatal heart attack.

axman

Who’s Taking Care Now?

Most of my life it was my turn, but…

The cycle of life is a bit strange – you start our being taken care of by your parents and 40 or 50 years later you may be taking care of them. In between you have your own kids and grandkids to care for. I was prepared for all those things to happen but now it appears that the next step (way down the line of course) will be somebody trying to take care of me.

Our kids are already talking about who will do what and when (probably the “why me” discussions). I don’t want to be taken care of – at least not for a long, long time. I’m not at all sure that I have the temperament to be taken care of (with the exception of doing whatever my wife tells me to do).

I don’t even want to think about the time when my cancer or some other nasty disease or condition will keep me from driving or making medical decisions or even walking.

Granted, planning ahead is a good idea but at some point it means giving up some of my independence. This is going to be a struggle. Or my mind may check out and I’ll never know the difference…

axman