The Most Unpleasant Side Effects

…Still Slightly Better Than Being Dead

I routinely complain about the side effects from my surgery, radiation, and medications. But the fact is I am more than willing to endure the fatigue, weight gain, strange growths, hot flashes, and pain – as long as I can stay vertical or at least above ground. Surviving trumps lots of other stuff; no matter what others may tell you.

Time, research, and improved medications are resulting in fewer side effects – or so I’m told by highly educated medical practitioners. At the present time I’m still alive and more or less able to lead a normal life. Normal for an old duffer anyway... And I can use my current side effects as an excuse to avoid working in the garden and cleaning out the gutters (please don’t tell my wife).

I’m betting that all my elderly friends who bemoan the strange side effects they’re coping with wouldn’t trade those side effects for a pine box – just yet. Senior life, living with incurable diseases, and normal wear and tear requires choices and compromises – and a little hell-raising if you’re lucky. I am.

axman

A Morbid Curiosity with the Latest Cancer Research

…as if it made any difference

I subscribe to several email and Blog programs that send daily updates on all sorts of cancer research – and I read them all. Then there are the medical journal reports, Cancer Center articles, and anecdotal information. Reading all this stuff probably doesn’t make me even a little bit healthier. Even if there is a miracle cure in there someplace I’d probably get hopelessly confused by the medical gobbledygook.

All the headlines accentuate the positive: Mice with Prostate Cancer Treated with XTZ666 Live 27% Longer than Control Group, or New Chemo Cocktail Shows Promise, or Exploitation Drugs Ltd to Unveil Revolutionary Prostate Drug! As good as these headlines sound there isn’t any real information in there.

If I had not read any of those articles or studies nothing in my life would be much different – except for knowing a lot more about cancer ridden mice. I wonder if someone notifies the next-of-kin mouse.

So should we all read everything we can find – fact or fiction – about our particular disease? Will it help? Nobody knows.

I will likely continue my obsessive search for cancer information – I guess it’s in my nature. You, on the other hand, may be emotionally healthier than I am and able to resist the urge.

axman

Sometimes a Lumpy Boob is Just a Lumpy Boob…

The word boob is used here to denote an enlarged male breast and not the affectionate term my wife sometimes uses when referring to me.

My mammogram/manogram is now history. I discussed the basics along with my cartoon idea of the process in my October 10 Blog entry. I was right on – except the Mammo-Monster was smaller and slightly more innocent looking – and it didn’t talk to me.
The X-Ray Tech, Lisa (an altered name to protect the innocent and keep me from being sued), was calm, quiet, and gentle. Thank you! The process was slightly uncomfortable and required me to stand in some awkward positions but was much less traumatic than I had expected.
Some of my fellow patients in the Women’s Imaging Center waiting room may have been slightly surprised when the nurse called me in and left my wife sitting calmly and wishing me good luck.
Post-Gram I was visited by the Radiology Doc (and his lovely Intern) who explained, as he poked and probed, that I was cancer free – for now, but at increased risk from the hormones. The lovely young Intern seemed a bit uncomfortable as she was directed to check out my lumps (I’d use the word fondle but I may be fantasizing).
So now it’s back to worrying about prostate cancer and letting my breasts bounce where they may.
axman

Go to a Prostate Cancer Conference, Old Man

I recently attended a large prostate cancer conference at OHSU in Portland, Oregon. There were about 100 people in attendance – mostly old men with prostate cancer (like me) and their significant others (like my wife). The day-long affair consisted of short presentations by doctors from a variety of prostate cancer backgrounds – surgery, radiation, research, nutrition, and new treatments. There was a lot to learn.

The good parts:
· There was a lot of information and handouts and slides
· Some presenters were articulate, clever, supportive, and even inspiring
· Everyone was allowed to ask questions in an informal atmosphere
· There was more than adequate coffee, snacks, and lunch
· Rest rooms were large and nearby – a very good perk

The other parts:
· Some presentations were techno-babble heavy and hard to follow – Doc Talk was abundant
· There was little about “What might help us guys with prostate cancer right now”
· Much of the focus was five or ten years down the road – we don’t all have ten years…

Bottom Line:
It was worthwhile and I’ll go again next year. You can check out a complete video of the proceedings by going to: http://www.ohsucancer.com/index.asp?fuseaction=prostate.conference.
Check it out – you might learn something. You can fast forward through the parts you’re not interested in.
axman

The Ever Popular Man-O-Gram

Of all the things I though would never happen to me, a mammogram was near the top of the list. It was listed right after giving birth and having a hysterectomy. In doing my homework I found that when a man is involved the test is whimsically called a Man-O-Gram.

My breasts have grown steadily since I started hormone therapy more than a year ago. They’re tender, too. Maybe that’s too much information.

Every year a few thousand men have mammograms and a few hundred are diagnosed with breast cancer. My oncologist recommended I get a mammogram because of growing lumps or mass in my breasts – most likely caused by my hormone therapy, but… I discovered that some Imaging Centers won’t even accept male patients. My referral specifies the “Women’s Imaging Center”.

You’d think I’d get a little pity from my wife. Nope. Just, “Now you’ll know what it feels like!” And I will. I’ll share more after the deed is done. Nothing is impossible and never say never – I’m learning.
axman

Ego, Physical Decline, and Self Worth

I ain’t as good as I used to be. But then, few of us are...and maybe I never was!

Whether you’re healthy, relatively healthy, or ravaged with disease you will be going through a physical and probably mental decline if you live long enough. Whoopee! Getting your strokes by being faster, smarter, or more successful than somebody else doesn’t last forever. New parameters are needed – like being happy with still being alive.

Sometimes I sit around with my geriatric buddies and we inevitably get to talking about the good-old-days. Ironically, I used to make fun of my parents, aunts, and uncles when they did the same thing. Now, good-old-days means when I could do the things I did as well as I could do them – at least in my mind. Maybe it’s a matter of, “The older I get the better I was.”

There is some comfort in reminiscing about the past – it takes your mind off the trials and tribulations you’re dealing with in the present.

I’m not advocating living in the past. Carpe Diem! I enjoy living in the present – most of the time. Do what you can for as long as you can. Of course it would be nice to be young and strong and fast and have more hair - again.

Now that there are so many things I can no longer do I need to focus more on what I still can do. There must be something - besides writing a blog, that is. As long as I have loving (more or less) friends, kids, grandkids, and a tolerant wife, life is still pretty good. Different - but good. Painful - but good. Slower - but good.
axman

Setting a GOOD Example in those Declining Years

Or not… Since I published my book I have met with a dozen or so small groups of men and their wives to discuss prostate cancer, their survival, my survival, and of course my book. The groups are generally small (often really small) and the talk is very interactive – with others asking questions and making comments as I proceed. It’s all very calm and relaxed.

More often than not the questions sound like, “What should I do?” “What’s the best treatment?” “Does my Doctor know what he’s talking about?” “You must know what works – so share it with us!”

I really don’t know what they should do (except to buy and read my book). Sometimes they think I’m withholding information from them. After all, I have prostate cancer and I wrote a book so I must be an expert. Don’t I wish…

I tell than that if I knew of a cure for prostate cancer I would first cure myself and then share that information with the rest of the world – for a small fee, of course.

What I can do, and try to do, is to live my life the way I say that I do (in the book and during the talks). Whatever it is that I do must be working at least a little - I’m still alive. Basically that consists of good nutrition, staying active, keeping a positive outlook (most of the time), and thinking pure thoughts (OK, probably not the pure thoughts part). I’m not a saint, not even a little bit saintly, and would not recommend that anybody emulate me – unless they came to that conclusion after checking things out for themselves.

Men with prostate cancer should (probably) get as much information as possible, make choices based on their best judgment, and be willing to change direction if something doesn’t work. As far as I can determine, nobody knows for sure what anybody with prostate cancer should do.

axman

Men and Doctors – Keeping One from the Other

I’ve never known a man who would willingly go to see his doctor unless blood was gushing from a manly wound someplace. We all know it’s a good idea to get checkups, vaccinations, and prescriptions from time to time. But I put off doctor visits until my wife yells at me (inducing greater fear than seeing the doctor) and sometimes (usually) she even calls to make the appointment.

Most of the women I know make regular doctor appointments, write them down, and then actually show up at the appointed time. They don’t even make a big deal about it. Rumor has it that women (in general) live longer than men (in general). Could there be a connection between seeing a doctor and living longer? Nahhhh.

Don’t get me wrong, I get along just fine with my doctors. I even like them. I see four or five different physicians from time to time. Not one of them has ever mistreated me, lectured me, or even pointed and laughed. Maybe it comes down to some primordial need or urge to be manly and take care of myself. Or it may be inherent stubbornness or laziness – more likely. My wife would agree with all these reasons.

axman

Get 'er Done!

Rule #1 of Retirement: If you can do it yourself - you MUST!

Well, that's more my wife's rule than mine, but there is this mindset that as time gets shorter you hurry faster to get it all (whatever all means) done.

This summer we needed a new roof over the back deck and new siding on the house. You'd think that your average decrepit, sickly, elderly couple could find a younger and smarter and stronger handyman (or handywoman) eager for the job. After a brief (very brief) discussion we decided that we could easily do it by ourselves over the course of the summer. How hard could it be? And we'd save a bundle of money!

But the real reason we choose to do it may have more to do with that dratted work ethic instilled in us by our depression-era parents and grandparents. Hard work is good for the soul! Even though it may not be so good for the rest of the body.

It took two or three weeks to complete most of the work and probably double that to heal. Next comes the painting - yup, we're doing that part, too. At least paint is less dangerous than skill saws, electric drills, and hammers - if you don't inhale too often. And there IS that feeling of satisfaction, impressing the neighbors, and owning the family bragging rights; "Look what WE did during our summer vacation!" Nobody seems all that impressed and a few brave souls even asked why on earth we didn't get somebody else to do it.

I've noticed that quite a few of our geezer friends, some of them in much worse health than we are, still feel the need and obligation to do all their own repairs and building and painting and mechanical work. Maybe we'll make a smarter decision next time - but not likely.

axman

Q - How Many Body Parts can Hurt at the Same Time? A - LOTS

It has come to my attention that the number of body parts that exude pain at any given time is gradually increasing as my age gradually increases. You may be experiencing the same thing.

A few hours of yardwork can lead to several days of sore knees, back pain a 'crick' in my neck, and hands that ache and won't respond to normal directions from my brain.

I know that all those things come with advancing age. But what about the effects of my cancer and cancer meds? According to my doctors (more than one) the pains don't have much to do with the cancer - yet. As a matter of fact my urologist told me, "What do you expect; you're 69 years old!" He always manages to say something to make me feel better (or not).

My day is usually better if I start off in the hot tub, walk a couple miles, and limit strenuous labor (involvling hammers and saws and chain saws and hauling fireplace wood) to a few hours a day - and not every day, That way I can better manage my pains such as sore knees, back pain a 'crick' in my neck, and hands that ache .

Feeling pain tells me I'm still alive - and most of the time that's a good thing.

axman