That Elusive Happy Medium

...and I don’t mean a hard to find, but pleased, fortune teller

Most of my life has been pretty busy—raising a family, personal and family activities, and work; often two or more jobs at a time. I never really thought about it, but there wasn’t too much time to sit around and relax or ponder or even feel sorry for myself. It must have worked because all in all I’m pretty healthy and happy (It seems I missed out on the wealthy and wise part of the equation).

Retirement changed that pattern. There have been the super busy times—like building and remodeling this past year—and a few times when we just sat around and read or napped. Doing nothing for too long turns out to be really boring. And that seems to be a common thread among some retirees. Doing too much for too long turns out to be really tiring. And getting tired is easier as I get older.

Right now there are too few relaxing times but that should change in a month or two when we head to Arizona for a few weeks of R and R without much of anything to do and we can head home when it gets boring.

Right now there’s building and finishing a book and always something that should have been done yesterday. But I’m trying to look at life one day at a time and that seems to be a good mantra and helps keep the stress level down.

My goal over the next year or so is to find a balance of activity and relaxation that seems to work. Maybe I’ll call it the Geriatric Goldilocks Syndrome—not too much; not too little; but jusssst right. How hard could it be?

axman

One Year at a Time

Youth is fleeting; old is forever. Maybe it’s better not to know what all is going on in my body‑‑and how much and how fast...

As another birthday rolls by (this is number 71) Life is good. Although I feel OK now, when I look back there have been quite a few changes in a mere eight short, short years since I was diagnosed with prostate cancer (the years really have seemed short).

·       I ran my last marathon in 2005 and now have difficulty running even two or three miles. Knee surgery had a hand (or knee) in that. I haven’t given up completely on running, however. But I also jumped out of an airplane for the first time (and the last time so far) on my birthday that same year. ...almost balances out, doesn’t it?

·       I retired in 2007 and started slowing down a little in how much I can get done—I still get things done, but it takes longer. I’ve been able to write (finishing my second book since retirement—but I’ve cleverly managed to avoid making any money at it) and putter around the house and a nap every few days helps. We’ve done some major remodeling but with a lot of younger, smarter hired help.

·       Take my bladder, please! It was normal and healthy in 2003 but surgery, radiation, and hormone therapy have reduced its efficiency and predictability a bit. If you happen to have an extra one...

·       All those same events and meds have also waged war on my testosterone level (keeping it low is necessary to keep me alive, of course) as well. Oh, well.

·       I need more sleep, stronger glasses, and more time in the hot tub to ease the old joints.

I’m sure the aging process itself is to blame for some or even most of this. Most of my friends have experienced at least some of these events.

Adapt, adjust, suck it up, and carry on. There are still unfulfilled entries on my Bucket List but the list of things I have done already is a lot longer. I wouldn’t trade my life for anybody’s. I’ve been blessed with a great family, good friends, time to do most of the things I want to do, and occasionally a bottle of really good wine.

axman

Lost Another Friend to Prostate Cancer

We first met when we lived in Canada in the 1970s and our families have been friends for the past 40 years. Dennis was, at various times, my neighbor, my student, my building contractor, and my colleague (he became a psychologist). He was active, smart, ambitious, and musically talented (he played in a rock band in his 60s). He had a knack for helping others—whether building their house or counseling their marital problems.

He was diagnosed only four years ago but the cancer was already advanced. He received multiple treatments to slow the tumor growth but nothing was very successful. His church and family ties helped keep him strong and positive.

No matter what progress you hear about in cancer treatment, it all boils down to the individual person. I can only hope that somebody somewhere finds a way to slow down prostate cancer (or even cure it) before I lose more friends.

axman

The Long Hot (Flash) Summer

Not much sun, but the heat comes in the middle of the night

Three weeks after my Lupron shot I don’t feel much different than I did before. There is one notable exception – the dreaded hot flash.

During the day I keep pretty busy writing, building, pouring concrete, cutting weeds, and other manly activities with nary a flash of hot. That’s good. But once I go to sleep I can count on at least one and usually two bouts with heat and sweat during the night. Worse yet, it wakes me up-so I get up, change my jammies, go to the bathroom, turn my pillow over to the dry side, and try to get back to sleep. I usually succeed.

None of these bouts lasts more than a few minutes and they’re certainly not unbearable. My wife just smiles and says, “See, I told you what they were like”. Mostly it’s an annoyance and results in a lot of extra laundry the next day.

I’m sure many of you have more and worse side effects so this will be my last time complaining about this particular one. Probably. But if I should ever have a new one...

axman

The Next Step – Lupron

With a shot in my backside I was launched into a new phase of prostate cancer treatment...

I knew this day would come sooner or later (I’d prefer later‑‑given a choice). My substitute oncologist (Dr. G) recommended a change in medication because my PSA has gone up significantly every three months for almost a year on the old hormone meds. Lupron was her drug of choice. It’s stronger than the hormones I’ve been taking and is supposed to lower my PSA in a short time (stay tuned for my October PSA test). I know many thousands are already using Lupron, so let me know what your experiences have been.

The shot is good for three months so I don’t have to take so many pills—that’s a plus. But the side effects may be a little stronger and stranger. I can expect hot flashes, some bone pain, headaches, depression, and maybe weight gain (I can probably fight those last two). On the inside my bones will likely lose mass. So I’ll take more calcium, more D3, spend time in the sun, and get lots of exercise. Fatigue in another side effect but I’m already tired so may not even notice.

I intend to let the summer unfold, bask in the sun, keep busy building more rooms onto the house, and continue doing all the things on my Bucket List.

axman

The Medical Merry-Go-Round and Round

Sometimes no results are good results and vice versa

Over the past few weeks I’ve experienced a medical anomaly or two—nothing unusual in the aging process, however.

1                I experienced a minor TIA (transient ischemic attack) or mini stroke. My left side went weak and numb for a couple of minutes. Then everything was back to normal again. I chomped a couple aspirin and made an appointment with my doctor who then sent me to a hospital for further tests.

  2                The next day I had a couple of dizzy spells and that has continued for several weeks, although somewhat diminished. So the doctor also scheduled me to see an ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist).

  3                At the hospital they first did an ultrasound to see if my carotid arteries might be blocked. Nope. Then came the MRI of my head. The report (several days later) said, “We looked at his brain and found nothing.” That confirms the common consensus of my intellectual standing.

4                A few days later I saw the ENT, got probed, had a long tube inserted up my nose, and even got a hearing test. Nothing explained the dizziness, sorry, and good-bye.

So in conclusion; events happened, medical tests occurred, reports were written, and everything remained pretty much the same. That’s good, I guess.

axman

More Side Effects of Aging

It’s not fair and it never ends, but I haven’t found a reasonable alternative...yet

I’m only half joking when I tell friends and family that life has several clearly identifiable stages.

          Stage one – You live and slow down gracefully from birth to age 60.

          Stage two – You age as much between 60 and 70 as you did from zero to 60.

          Stage three – The jury is still out.

It’s the truth. At a youthful 60 I could still run ultra marathons, work 16 hour days, and keep up with the grandkids. Not so at an ancient 70. Between the medical side effects from my prostate cancer meds and the inevitable side effects of physical aging the changes are clearly evident to me (and probably everybody else, too).

Slowing down, taking it easy, and enjoying life really sounds good—actually doing it has been a lot more difficult that it sounds. I’m working on it. But there are so many things needing to be done and watching somebody else doing them (instead of me) just doesn’t feel right. Being a useless old man is not something on my Bucket List. My wife nods and smiles whenever I say it, however.

Stay tuned—I’ll chart my progress, or lack thereof, toward the good if not the useful life. But now it’s time to take my pills and then my nap.

axman

Weather or Not, That is the Question

La Nina, El Nino, Global Warming, Climate Change, and infernal rain

As a wee child I remember being amused when all the old folks sat around and cursed the weather (too wet, too hot, too dry, too windy, or too something else). The physical complaint of the day was rheumatism. Now I find myself doing the same thing, and worse yet my mental and physical health seem to wax and wane according to the temperature and precipitation. Rheumatism is no longer at the top of the list, but the process hasn’t changed. I have become my parents and grandparents. I’m not sure this is all bad but, like many people I know, I didn’t think it would ever happen to me.

I am sure that weather and climate don’t have all that much to do with my health and happiness but sometimes it sure seems that way. Once the weather changes I’ll be one of those complaining about 90 degree days, sunburn, and heatstroke (probably). Maybe I need to stay busier or get more creative or just get a life.

You’ve probably seen the research that points out how people are more depressed in the winter and drink more alcohol where the winter is longer. People generally live longer in warmer climates (I think diet and lifestyle may factor in there, too) and sunshine helps create Vitamin D3 that is supposedly good for all of us (what’s good or not good for us seems to change on a regular basis so don’t count too heavily on D3 forever). I can remember when large amounts selenium, iron, and vitamin C were also supposed to be good for you. And chocolate and coffee and wine were bad. We can all count on change.

So I’ll try to ignore the weather (pretend like it's warm and sunny), eat what seems to be good for me (or what I really like), and carry on as if the universe was unfolding as it should.

 axman

OMG—something to make Me Feel even Older

And I’ve even got old kids to prove it

My oldest son turns 48 this week. That’s good. He’s healthy, successful, and still keeps in touch with his elderly parents. All five kids are over 40 and then there are five teen-aged grandkids (and one mere babe). All this is good.

When I turned 70 I did a quick inventory of my aches and pains (there were more than a few) and determined that, in fact, I was getting older and more decrepit. But in my mind I was still 30. As the kids get older and older it’s hard to claim 30 or 40 or 50 or even 60.

I feel my true age more days in a week or a month than I used to. I have more side effects from those ever-increasing prescription strengths. I’m still alive, so all this is good, too.

Bottom line‑‑I guess I’ll have to come to terms with being young at heart, ancient of body, and the elder in my family (not as prestigious as in past generations). And I’m getting used to all those gray-haired kids of mine (at least in those who have hair).

axman

If More is Better…

...then I should be more better

About a month ago I discovered that my PSA had doubled since January. It also doubled between October and January. So that resulted in yet another increase in my main meds (bicalutamide). I have gone from a daily dose of 50mg in September to 100mg in January to 150mg in April.

It’s not hard to swallow them—the pills are very small—so that’s not a problem. There is the cost factor and my razor sharp math skills have led me to the conclusion that the cost of three-a-day is triple that of one-a-day (you see, I passed 9^th grade math).

So far it appears that there is no increase in obvious side effects like green spots on my skin, appendages falling off, or decreased brain function (it’s already at an all time low). But there is one little thing that stands out; I seem to need more sleep and rest. I’m not sure that fatigue is even on the list of 437 contraindications (possible side effects) printed out on the paperwork that accompanies my prescription.

As for me, however, whatever the actual reason (age, mental breakdown, physical collapse, the heartbreak of psoriasis, or climate change) I get tired sooner, need a nap oftener, and just doing my normal daily chores (as assigned by my wife) brings on heavy breathing (not the good kind).

What’s next? Pretty soon I’ll just stay asleep 24/7 and avoid all that interfering social stuff that now goes on every day between naps.

axman