You Can Always Go Home Again...

Especially for the holidays

We just returned from two great and glorious weeks in Hawaii. It was relaxing and refreshing. I noticed that I was far enough away from home for my pains to subside, my stress level to drop, and I even slept better. Coming home was good, too, it always is, but it was cold and all that work that needed to be done was right there...waiting. On the bright side, it's time for the kids and grandkids to come by for dinner and gift giving and a little sherry and egg nog.

In Hawaii we reconnected with some old (really old) friends from 20 or 30 years ago. Most of them, like me, were in various stages of disease and decline but it didn't seem to matter. There were strokes, knee replacements, an abundance of arthritic pains, and even one friend with Stage 4 prostate cancer. He's in chemo and weakened but still has his irreverent, self-deprecating sense of humor and was constantly cracking jokes.

I came home inspired to be as strong as they all seemed. I intend to laugh more, focus less on my aches and pains, and especially to avoid morbid thoughts about my own mortality. Sounds like New Years Resolutions - time will tell.

So, Merry Christmas, Enjoy Life, and have a Healthy New Year

axman

Culture Shock - Sort Of...

For several months now my wife and I have been working long hours most days to get our house in shape before winter gets any worse. Aches, pains, fatigue, and cold and wet working conditions have been the norm.

Then, just a few days ago, we packed a bag and flew to Hawaii for two weeks. We didn't make many plans or commitments - just places to stay.

And here we are with almost nothing to do and we're doing it very well so far. It's kind of strange to go from being busy 100% of the time to 0%. It's a shock to the system but somehow we'll manage.

Recharging my batteries is something I need more and more often these days. Fighting (or managing) my prostate cancer takes more energy than I would have thought - I guess it is surprising because of the lack of symptoms. The energy drained by the cancer (and old age) would normally have been used to mix concrete, patch roofs, build shelves, and even run.

I guess I can cope with that for now.

axman

Sleep More – Do Less

Everybody needs goals

Living a long time is good; being active every day is good; pretending I’m still 40 or 50 or even 60 is not – at least it’s not very realistic.

For example, every few days I need a nap and if I don’t get one I’m nodding off by 9:00 in the evening. There were times in the ‘good old days’ when I could work 16-hour days for weeks on end – and survive just fine. These days I’m lucky to get in six hours of working let alone eight or 10 or 16. And then there’s trying to remember to take my pills in the morning and take my pills at night (I’m not sure what would actually happen if I didn’t).

In my head I know that age and disease slows everybody down (sooner or later) – but I never thought it would happen to ME (I suppose most people feel that way)!

My father was still struggling with this at 90; “Why can’t I work on the roof?” Why can’t I drive at night?” Now I don’t like driving at night.

So, I’m trying (really) to embrace my older, slower self.

axman

The Perils of being a Geriatric Adrenaline Junkie

…or maybe it’s a benefit

I spent a lot of the last week climbing around on the 2x4 skeleton of a large barn roof. It needed to be replaced and I hired someone younger and more talented to do the hard work but there was still plenty of climbing left for me. Way up there I move pretty slowly and hang on with at least one arthritic hand at all times.

I’ve noticed that I’m a lot more cautious on high ladders and roofs than I was 20 years ago and infinitely more cautious than when I was 18 (no fear in those days). What ever happened to my balance, grip, and confidence?

After all these years I still get a kick from taking a little risk – jumping out of an airplane for my 65^th birthday, driving the Jeep on steep, narrow, mountain ruts…

It’s fun to be just on the edge – not too close, but just enough uncertainty to get the old heart beating a little faster. Push the envelope just a little bit. I may not live longer but I don’t intend to die from boredom.

When I was first treated for prostate cancer (and NOT cured) I asked my doctor how long it would be before it killed me. His reply was: “Don’t worry; you’re more likely to get hit by a bus than die of cancer!” And that’s just how I intend to proceed; watch out buses!

axman

Does a Vacation Make Me Healthier?

…it sure seems like it does

I really doubt if my PSA or blood pressure or cholesterol level actually improves much when I go on vacation. A vacation rarely results in weight loss (just the opposite) but often does improve my tan and mental outlook. So I may or may not actually be healthier after a week or two of R and R.

We’ve been away from a very busy and stressful few months of moving, repairing the old and new houses, packing, hauling, unpacking, and building new rooms on the new house. The good news is that the move has happened and the new deadlines are now a little softer.

After two weeks of relaxing on the Arizona desert I’m sleeping better and longer, able to focus on doing absolutely nothing, and we hike and jeep on the desert every day. We even get lost now and then – but always find our way back home - it's actually fun.

Now we're back home in the Oregon rain, with a house full of boxes to be unpacked, and many, many, many large and small tasks to be done. But, in yet another month, we’re headed out for another short vacation. It seems to work for us.

If you should come across any evidence that indicates vacations are NOT good for mental and physical health – just keep it to yourself.

axman

Weight Loss - Blessing or Curse or ???

I'm finally losing some weight after all these years

And I'm not even trying. I gained about 20 pounds in the seven years since my PC diagnosis in 2003.

That wasn't good or healthy and I honestly tried to manage my eating and drinking and exercise - sort of. It was like, "The Devil made me do it" whatever IT was.

For the past six months Carol and I have been participating in a clinical trial focused on strength training and stretching. That's the only really different thing in our lives - except for moving this summer and fall. Losing 15 pounds puts me close to where I was and want to be. It's a far cry from my anorexic days of ultra running but it meets my relaxed old geezer standards.

Will I lose more, gain it back, or stay the same? Stay tuned.

axman

When the Meds Quit Working

You never know when it’s going to happen – but it will

It was a long seven years ago when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. For the first year or two I was confident that I would be cured. My doctors were optimistic and all but guaranteed success with my prostatectomy and later with external beam radiation. But it came back. And there were no more surefire cures to try.

Next was a clinical trial – but I had to wait until my PSA was high enough to qualify – had to get unhealthier. The pill I took turned out to be about as effective as a sugar pill – but it didn’t taste as good. And my PSA just kept edging up. Five years into my cancer I started low-dose hormone pills and they kept my PSA at bay pretty well for a couple years. Now I’m taking slightly higher doses of hormones. I am happy that my PSA has been creeping up and not leaping up.

So what happens when the hormone pills don’t work any more (and that time WILL come)? I suppose I’ll get newer and more expensive meds to see if they help. Then there’s always chemo (I have too much hair anyway). With any luck I’ll keep trying newer and more exotic treatments until I’m about 90 and then somebody will finally find a cure. It could happen! The shock of that would probably give me a fatal heart attack.

axman

Who’s Taking Care Now?

Most of my life it was my turn, but…

The cycle of life is a bit strange – you start our being taken care of by your parents and 40 or 50 years later you may be taking care of them. In between you have your own kids and grandkids to care for. I was prepared for all those things to happen but now it appears that the next step (way down the line of course) will be somebody trying to take care of me.

Our kids are already talking about who will do what and when (probably the “why me” discussions). I don’t want to be taken care of – at least not for a long, long time. I’m not at all sure that I have the temperament to be taken care of (with the exception of doing whatever my wife tells me to do).

I don’t even want to think about the time when my cancer or some other nasty disease or condition will keep me from driving or making medical decisions or even walking.

Granted, planning ahead is a good idea but at some point it means giving up some of my independence. This is going to be a struggle. Or my mind may check out and I’ll never know the difference…

axman

Little Things are becoming More Important

Or it could be that’s all the energy I’ve got…

Maybe it’s just my senility kicking in but I’ve noticed that a lot of the good things in my life are really pretty simple and basic.

I’m probably getting a little more simple, too of course. In addition to my worldwide adventurous life (in my fantasies, anyway) I find that I enjoy:

• Taking a long walk with my wife (and maybe a dog or grandkid or friend from time to time)
• Sitting in the hot tub and sipping a hot mug of coffee at six in the A.M.
• Petting my pesky cat while she’s snoozing on my lap and I’m watching TV
• Nodding off in the recliner for an afternoon catnap – which doesn’t happen nearly enough
• Reading a trashy detective novel for a couple of hours of brain dead time

We still spend time with kids and grandkids, travel, go to concerts, jeep through the desert, and camp out in the mountains – we enjoy every minute of it. But the everyday low key activities (or non-activities) are probably just as enjoyable – and a whole lot cheaper. That’s got to be an upside to getting older.

axman

How Terribly Strange…

...to be seventy

With apologies to Paul Simon (Old Friends from the Bookends album 1968 when I was relatively young); it IS terribly strange. Never in my wildest dreams and fantasies did I ever imagine being seventy. Not that I planned an early demise; but being that old just never seemed real or important.

In my younger days (see, I sound old already) many of the seventy-year olds I knew seemed decrepit, senile, and sometimes couldn’t even care for themselves - at least it seemed that way to me. Just like my kids and grandkids think of me now – at least sometimes. Certainly not all septuagenarians are frail, but numbers count – retirement age, Social Security, and Medicare are based on age and mortality tables. The government is betting we die before we collect very much. Ha! I'm already collecting!

Various and sundry body parts don’t work as well as when I was a mere 50 or 60 but I’m still able to walk and chew gum at the same time – if I’m real careful. Strangely, I don’t feel old (except for those sore knees and arthritic hands and a slipped disc or two). I’m almost always able to find my way home from the grocery store; but just in case there’s a problem I carry a GPS in the car with a Go Home button. It doesn't hurt to be prepared.

When do I start feeling really old? When did you? Let me know. Tell me twice; I’ll probably forget the first time.

axman

Moving On – More or Less

No, not moving on to a better world; just a better location. Maybe this 26th move will be the last one…

We’re moving in a month or so – lots of people move every day so it’s not really a very big deal. For the past 19 years we’ve lived in the same place. We didn’t plan it that way; it just happened. That’s a record for us. A quick count in my head (always open to review) came up with 26 different places I’ve lived during my life. There may have been more – the 60s and 70s are kind of hazy. Sometimes it was only across the street and sometimes it was 2,000 or 3,000 miles.

This time it’s only seven miles. No big deal geographically. But it seems like a major event. Maybe it’s just that we’re older, sicker, and more tired. And there’s a few tons of junk to deal with – do we trash it, garage sale it, put it on Craig’s list, abandon it, or move it? We’re moving into the country – six wooded acres.

The plan (assuming it works out) is that this will be our last move – until that move to the County Home for the Helplessly Senile, of course. We’ll have plenty of space for us, kids, grandkids, and friends; not to mention dogs, cats, goats and all that privacy. We can do all sorts of strange and exotic things and nobody can see us!

axman

Maybe the PSA saves lives after all - NCI study

Federal Government Reverses Course,Now Sees Benefit of PSA Testing...
NCI Admits its Previous Prostate Cancer Study was ‘Contaminated’ Following the Release of New Data that Shows PSA Test Saves Lives

The nation’s leading authority on cancer has thrown out its own study on prostate cancer screening, now saying that PSA testing reduces the prostate cancer death rate by nearly 50 percent.

In its July 13th bulletin, the National Cancer Institute says findings from the Göteborg Randomized Population-Based Prostate Cancer Screening Trial - a study NCI partially funded in Sweden - shows “PSA screening substantially improves cancer-specific survival without the extent of over-diagnosisand overtreatment.” The Swedish study showed testing reduces the prostate cancer mortality rate by 44 percent. That prompted NCI to admit there was a “significant amount of contamination” in its earlier Prostate, Lung, Colorectal, and Ovarian study (PLCO), which suggested there was no mortality benefit with the PSA test.“Careless mistakes like this may be costing men their lives. You can’t publish that there is no value in getting tested if you don’t have the right data to back that claim up,” said Skip Lockwood, ZERO’s CEO.

“Admitting you were wrong is the first step - the American Cancer Society has yet to swallow its pride and come clean – so now NCI needs to take action to make things right,” said Lockwood.
In the bulletin, NCI says the PLCO data was contaminated because of “men in the trial who had already undergone screening with a PSA test, which a number of researchers have said may preclude the trial from ever demonstrating a cancer-specific survival improvement.” Regarding its new data from the Swedish study, NCI goes on to quote Dr. Eric Klein of the Glickman Urological and Kidney Institute who says the “data suggesting that a baseline PSA in men in their 40s and subsequent PSA velocity (the rate of increase in PSA levels) can predict both lifetime risk of developing cancer and potentially lethal cancers.”

Why are Sick Old Men so Damn Funny?

…at least they THINK they are

Of course I’ve always considered myself wittier than the average geezer (my wife says half-witty) but recently I’ve noticed that most of the old guys I talk to who have prostate cancer are always laughing and joking. They seem to share a set of common characteristics:

• They are very knowledgeable about their condition and know what treatments have been tried, which worked (a little), and what their prognosis is so there are no surprises or illusions
• They are willing and able to discuss prostate cancer intelligently with anybody and don’t get into ‘poor me’ scenarios
• They are mostly cool, calm, and good natured
• And they have an underplayed, wicked, irreverent, dark sense of humor – particularly regarding their incurable condition. Jokes about incontinence and impotence abound (not much else can be done about these conditions at this point). Side effects, such as enlarged breasts, also make for witty, if not politically correct, repartee.

Is this the result of denial or senility? Possibly. Should we all be more serious? Maybe, but I don’t think so. Laughter is good medicine; even when it comes from bad jokes and unpunny puns. And we need all the good medicine we can get.

There will be plenty of time to worry and be serious later. There is NO evidence that being sane and serious lengthens life. So for now, let the pun times roll!

axman

You Sure Don’t Look Terminal

Prostate cancer doesn’t make you look very sick…

Whenever I go to one of my doctor’s offices (a disgustingly common occurrence) there will be people in the waiting room in wheel chairs, on crutches, holding oxygen tanks, coughing, bandaged from head to foot, or just sitting with a totally vacant stare. But I (prostate cancer and all) don’t show even the slightest symptom (unless you count gray hair and wrinkles)! I seem out of place around all those sick people.

When I’m around friends or in classes or even meeting people at social events and the conversation comes around to cancer (it always seems to among the old folks in my social circle) I answer their questions about my cancer. Then there’s always the, “Now way,” “Can’t be,” “You don’t look sick,” and “Are you sure” statements. Maybe if I was pale or limped or drooled (more)… I DO have a scar but don’t usually offer to display it in polite company or during casual conversations.

Most cancers, of course, don’t have a lot of visible symptoms – and in fact that’s not really so bad at all. Believe me, I’m happy with my invisible symptoms and hope I never get to the point when I’m obviously sick – even if it means not getting a lot of heartfelt sympathy.

axman

The Advantages of NOT having a Prostate

Look on the bright side, old timer...

There is, of course, the nasty side of having your prostate surgically ripped from your body. There are side effects you won’t much like: a scar, some pain for a few weeks or months, a reduced sex life, and your bladder control never seems quite the same.

I’ve bemoaned all this and more. But what about the upside? Upside? There’s an upside?

Here is a list of some, if not all, of the obvious and not so obvious benefits I have observed and experienced from no longer having a prostate to kick around.

1. Most important to me - I’m alive seven years later and still counting

2. I never hold up lines in public restrooms (believe me, this can be a godsend)

3. I lost the two ounces the prostate weighed but I hardly notice the weight loss

4. I have an awesome scar to show anyone brave enough to want to see it (so far no one has ever asked to see it)

5. I’m definitely sterile – as if it matters to anyone as old as me

6. I can tell humorous and entertaining stories at parties about tubes and bags and diapers (my wife says definitely NO to this possibility)

7. Once the deed was done, it was done; no specific ongoing treatment – nobody ever gets a prostate implant – not yet anyway…

I consider my prostatectomy one of the more significant events of my life – after marriage, parenthood, grandparenthood, and running a few marathons.

axman

Prostate Cancer has gone to the Dogs

Maybe they’ll take a bite out of cancer...

We all know that dogs can track the lost and detect drugs at airports and border crossings. Now they have been trained to detect prostate cancer by identifying a specific scent in male urine (which, I’m told, is NOT in the male at the time of diagnosis). This has nothing to do with the dogs in your life that have been unrepentant crotch sniffers.

There are a number of articles and blogs explaining the research and telling you everything except just what exactly it is the dogs are detecting. Here are two links that pretty much sum up the French study.

Sniffing Out Cancer or Study Finds Dogs Can Detect Prostate Cancer will give you more details or maybe just wagging tails.

I’ll bet you really want to know if you’ll encounter a dog the next time you visit your oncologist. Probably not, but stranger things have happened. The dogs in the study were 95% accurate – much better than the reported 85% accuracy of the tried and true PSA. Maybe some combination of blood samples and urine sniffing will turn out to be 99% accurate!

The value of this study is probably in the fact that there is something that can be detected in urine and clever scientists will probably find another, less canine, way to detect it. Sorry Rover, sit, stay, good boy.

For most of us who already have prostate cancer this potential breakthrough won’t do much, but it just might help our sons and grandsons. We’ll see.


axman

Run, Rest, Recover, Repeat - - - Eventually

It takes a long, long time…

My motives (like me) are more or less pure and simple; I just want to get in shape to run another (ONE more) marathon. How hard could it be? I’ve done it 75 times before. But the dark powers of the universe seem to be conspiring against me (like in a Greek tragedy).

I’m not talking about serious injuries, hurricanes, floods, or even fire. I’m talking about the frailty of my own body and how long it takes to recover from a workout.

I’ve been doing this for six decades or so and have noticed a diabolical trend. In the early days it was pretty easy; I could do two workouts a day with no downside. Then it was one-a-day workouts until my late 40s. For the next 20 years or so I could muster every-other-day training. But now it takes three or four days between even moderate workouts to make sure the kinks are gone, the muscles are no longer sore, and the fatigue has moderated. Not fair.

A little more sleep, longer sessions in the hot tub, and a nap now and then all seem to help. But, time’s a wasting! Where did those ‘runner’s highs’ and ‘endorphins’ go? Maybe there is an age limit. I’ll let you know what I find out.

axman

Us Old Men with Prostate Cancer are actually Living Longer

...but why?

If you ask ten doctors why their PC patients are living longer you’ll probably get ten different answers. You’ll get the same variety of responses from those of us who have the dreaded PC. We all have an opinion but facts are few.

Is it:

1. New medications and treatments?
2. Better diets?
3. Exercise for the elderly?
4. Positive attitudes?
5. All of the above?
6. Some of the above?
7. None of the above?

I don’t know for sure if I’m living longer than expected – certainly not longer than I expected. But then I’m a cockeyed optimist – mostly.

Long ago I decided NOT to take it easy and “go gently into that good night” (apologies to Dylan Thomas). I have never seen any evidence that being active and pushing your limits does any harm. And even if it does, it keeps life from being boring.

Life is always terminal so having a terminal disease doesn’t change things all that much – hopefully.

axman

It’s Just like Herding Cats

My experience with the latest and greatest prostate cancer clinical trial

When I use the term ‘prostate cancer clinical trial’ you probably immediately have visions of old men taking exotic pills, getting strange injections, donating copious quantities of blood and other fluids, having full body X-rays, and tolerating invasive body probes.

Not so - this one is different.

A group of men with incurable prostate cancer and their wives (who do NOT have prostate cancer) were invited to participate in a six month twice weekly closely monitored strength training class. Including my wife and me, there are 20 in each class and husbands and wives work as a team (what an original concept) doing a series of simple but challenging strength building and stretching exercises. The plan is to get stronger, fitter, and ultimately live longer - maybe even save marriages.

The idea of husband and wife working together (a long shot at best) is supposed to increase the possibility of continuing the exercises when the program is completed.

Of course getting 20 old duffers to do anything as a group and stay focused isn’t easy and the instructors/experimenters have their hands full. It’s a lot like, well, herding cats.

axman

Ask Lots and Lots of Questions

…just don’t expect lots of answers

I see several doctors every two or three months. I give blood, get weighed (and keep gaining), have my blood pressure checked, and am told that nothing has changed. It’s all pretty mundane and boring.

But, I usually have a list of questions to ask – at least a few. I believe it is my job to ask questions – it’s MY life. My doctors likely (at least in their minds) roll their eyes and say, “Oh no, not again.”

Is there anything new in meds or clinical trials?
What’s next when THIS med stops working?
Is it OK if I decide to run a marathon (fantasy thinking)?
What could I be doing that makes the bad cells grow faster?
How am I going to pay for all this?

Do I get answers? Sometimes. Sometimes the doctors ask me what I think. They may or may not listen to my answers.

If I can get them to think about what I’m thinking it just might lead to something in the future (my future).

My lifelong training and education has been to accept that doctors should know the answers and we patients should obediently and quietly listen and obey. Nope.

A friend of mine (who incidentally died of cancer) always said his preferred way to die was to be shot by a jealous husband. I’d prefer to be done in by global warming or even a charging elephant. I’m not sure just what choices I may have at the time.

In the meantime I plan to survive indefinitely and keep asking questions (my doctors may eventually decide on their own way to do me in).

axman

On the Road Again…

There’s no place like home, but…

Whether it’s around the block or around the country, it’s good to be on the go. Really.

I have been in a seven-year prostate cancer holding pattern – a series of treatments, no cures, just doing what needs to be done to keep progression as slow as possible. That’s as good as it’s going to get far as I can tell. But I have also noticed that when I’m at home for any extended period of time – particularly in the wet Oregon winter (October until May) I tend to think more about my cancer and aches and pains.

So, we do a lot of running around (traveling makes us sound too sophisticated). We visit friends around town, spend time with kids and grandkids in other states, go to lots of historical spots, and do more than our share of camping and hiking in the summers. We even get out of the country once in a while. Our kids gave up any hope of an inheritance years ago.

When I’m doing things – especially new and interesting things, I feel better and go days at a time without ever thinking about my health problems – less time to dwell on self pity. It works for me.

axman

Medical Science, Black Magic, and Dumb Luck

Prostate Cancer Treatment in the 21st Century

I follow a few blogs, medical sites, and government sites that focus on prostate cancer. As an old geezer with incurable (but not untreatable) prostate cancer I am looking for hope and progress – something credible that might slow growth, shrink tumors, kill cancer cells, and let me live happily ever after. There are a lot articles and anecdotal stories that tout green tea or pomegranate juice or some drug not yet approvedas a miracle cure. It does appear that more men are living longer – that’s good.

But, there does not seem to be a cure on the horizon – guys keep dying while waiting for something to happen. Every once in a while somebody claims to be totally cured after suffering for six or sixteen years, or their macrobiotic diet shrunk their tumor to nothing, or eating flax seeds while living in clean mountain air has lowered their PSA from 842 to 1.2.

My PSA has stayed about the same for the two years I have been on hormone therapy, but all the data points to a time when the hormones will no longer slow prostate cancer cell growth. Nobody seems to know why it works for two years for some guys and 10 years for others. I’m hoping for 10 years – or more.

Answers would be nice. Even knowing the right questions would help. For now I can more or less accept my role of keeping on keeping on. Let me know if YOU have either good questions or good answers.

axman

The PSA Test – to be or not to be

What’s a guy to do?

In recent weeks and months there has been a lot written and said about the PSA (prostate specific antigen) test that men have been getting for several decades to help detect prostate cancer.

Some doctors and researchers are condemning the test as useless or even harmful and others defend it. What should us poor guys (who need the information) do? I’m way past the diagnosis part but I get PSA tests every three months to help determine the amount of hormone therapy I get. That seems to work for me.

Opponents say that PSA tests result in a lot of unnecessary treatments – surgery, radiation, freezing, and other options. And those treatments can lead to impotence and incontinence. That’s true - those side effects do happen. Common sense and patience might help. The PSA test is less than perfect but what is plan B? Nobody seems to know.

Increased PSA doesn’t necessarily mean you have prostate cancer. But results can provide information you need to weigh future decisions about your condition.

If you have never had a PSA test, check out organizations that you trust for more information and certainly talk to your doctor. What do the experts say? Check out the Mayo Clinic and American Cancer Society guidelines. They’ve changed over the years. Whatever their recommendations are you and your doctor will still need to talk and decide.

Mayo Clinic – PSA Guidelines http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/prostate-cancer/HQ01273.

American Cancer Society – New PSA Guidelines http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_1_1x_Revised_Prostate_Cancer_Screening_Guidelines_What_Has--and_Hasnt--Changed.asp.

I’ve had many PSA tests and will probably have many more. Every man has to look at all the options and decide for himself. What do YOU think?

axman

In the Spring an Old Man’s Fancy Turns to Thoughts of…

Sore knees, malfunctioning plumbing, setting new goals, and, of course, the good old days

After several years of almost daily walking and hiking but very little running, I’m starting to run again. …just a couple of miles every other day so far but hopefully it will build and lead to completing a marathon by next fall. That’s if everything goes well.

I tire more easily than I did even four or five years ago. Maybe it’s because of my cancer; maybe it’s due to my age; maybe it’s a combination of the two plus a few physical disparities. On obvious problem is my knee – with all the cartilage removed in 2006.

So, as I see it:
Job 1 – get these old bones and muscles back in shape – lungs too
Job 2 – baby that knee so it doesn’t grind and scrape too much. And be gentle with those herniated disks in my back
Job 3 – combine the results of job 1 and job 2 into a completed marathon in my 70th year.

Why am I doing this? Honestly I suppose there are several factors; ego, self identity, stubbornness, or maybe just stupidity (that’s my wife’s conclusion). I’ve completed more than 75 marathons and ultra-marathons and I always enjoyed the challenge. I ran pretty fast in some of them (won a few) and pretty slow in others. One more would feel good – another personal goal met.

My last marathon was in Stockholm (the one in Sweden) in 2005 and it took me well over five hours – more than double my best times in the foggy past. But I can live with slow – not that I have much choice. Stay tuned…

axman

Living Life Three-Months at a Time

Maybe three month segments aren’t so bad…

My life is arranged around when I see my various and sundry doctors. Over a period of several years I have managed to get all my appointments set for a one-week period every three months. That leaves two and a half months to travel, camp, read, write, and totally forget my trials and tribulations – mostly.

I have long believed – but not necessarily practiced – that worrying about my physical ailments does absolutely no good. Over the past couple of years I have noticed that I rarely think about the progression of my prostate cancer or arthritis or even senility (I forget that I might be senile) when I don’t have a pending doctor’s appointment. Then, about a week before I see my doctors I do a quick check to see if I’m still alive and functional.

Most of my medical consultations are rather boring:
“What hurts – on a scale from one to ten?”
“Things haven’t changed much – that’s probably good.”
“Here’s your prescription.”
“See you in about three months – if I’m not on vacation then.”

Then, for almost three more months, I’m free (and healthy in my own mind) again. And my circle of medical life goes on and on. Does this kind of thing happen to you, too?

Axman

In With the New

…but not necessarily OUT with the old…

We just completed the drive from sort of sunny Arizona to sort of cold and wet Idaho to see our new grandson – our sixth grandchild. As expected – at three days old he was tiny, loud, strong, and of course perfect.

What will he face when he grows up? I won’t know about a lot of his life. Will he look like me? And will he inherit my genetic link to prostate cancer? Surely there will be a cure by the time he may need it – 40 or 50 or 60 years from now. A cure four or five or six months from now would be good, too.

Helping to care for a newborn put some things in perspective;

1 I’m not really in charge – no adult is – of this small human who does what he does regardless of how much we all try to do the right thing and manage his life.

2 He sleeps when he’s ready and lets everyone know when he’s decided its time to eat – or not to eat.

3 Our best intentions may result in screaming and flailing limbs or he may cuddle and sleep for hours – it’s not totally predictable.

4 He does seem to have mastered sucking, pooping, and peeing – on his schedule.

As the grandpa, I can always hand him back to Mom and Dad when all else fails. Strangely I don’t remember a lot about the difficult times when my kids were babies – maybe because my wife did most of the hard work.

The cycle of life continues...

axman

A Leged in My Own Mind

…how do I want to be remembered - is there even a choice?

When I was a kid growing up way out in the country, I knew a lot of older men who seemed ancient to me at the time – wrinkled, bald, fat, and sometimes crippled. I was told these guys were war heroes, ex-major league ballplayers, and bi-plane pilots. In my adolescent mind this wasn’t possible. Old duffers were always old duffers; they couldn’t possibly have been young and strong and brave in some past life.

Now I’m older than they were when I knew them. And even though I fit the description from above (wrinkled, fat, bald, and gimpy) I still remember the time when I was young and strong and adventurous. But how do my grandkids (and maybe great-grandkids) see me? Could they even imagine what I was like 25 or 40 or 60 years ago? Probably not.

Will they even know what it means to work your way through college? Would they believe I actually ran all those marathons and ultra marathons? And how could I have survived without HD TV, computers, cell phones, iPods, and especially wifi?

I guess the solution is: don’t worry about it, be happy. Keep doing what I do now. And accept the fact that I will be remembered as a strange old man and not the Greek God I would have like to have been in my wild, impetuous youth. My youngest grandchild was just born - what will he think of his old grandma and grandpa? Don't ask...


axman

Afraid of Dying?

…just about everybody is if they’re being honest and paying attention

Most of my life I never gave a second thought to death or dying unless somebody I knew died. That changed slightly the day I was diagnosed with cancer. Even then it was more strange than frightening. In recent years several close friends have died from long-term diseases including a variety of cancers. I was impressed at how calm, accepting, and unafraid they were.


In my experience, there seems to be a progression of views and beliefs in life.

At 20 I assumed I would live forever and never lose any kind of functioning. For a while that seemed to be the case.


At 50 I felt strong and still indestructible – even though I remember that I considered my parents old when THEY were 50.


At 70 (almost) I have come to accept mortality (sort of). But there is a lot I still want to do. My bucket list is long. I have slowed down some (OK, more than some) and there are more aches and pains than a few years ago. My prostate cancer is under control, for now, and my arthritis and other aches and pains are mainly annoyances.


My mind (this, of course, may not seem to be true to anyone who knows me) seems to be OK most of the time – if you don’t count forgetting lots of things.

I am less patient with long waits for medical appointments, slow payment of insurance claims, rudeness from people who SHOULD be helping me, and people assuming I am stupid just because I’m old and gray. I’ve learned to say things like, “Let me talk to your supervisor”, and “No, that’s NOT OK”!

So I’m just going to get on with it (it being living the way I want) and see what happens.


Axman

Excess Thinking May be Hazardous

…to Your Mental Health; so most of us should not be at risk

It’s good to be busy. That doesn’t necessarily mean accomplishing anything; just being on the move, reading, puttering; something other that just staring at the wall or ceiling or TV.


My wife and I are blessed with lots to do (she feels more blessed than I do, however). There’s always something to fix or change around the house, we go camping, traveling, visiting kids and grandkids, and jeeping - we feel pretty good most of the time. And we find that we don’t have time to worry too much – more than we’d like, but it’s manageable.

We’ve noticed that many, but not all, our geriatric contemporaries agree with us. When we suggest activities or invite to some of them to go someplace we often get answers like:

“Camping? Nah; too dirty and dusty and we'd probably get bitten or stung. You go and tell us about it later. I think we’ll just take it easy at home.”

“Travel outside the U.S? Nah, the plane might crash, we could get a disease, the food is probably tainted, and those foreign people over there talk funny! I think we’ll watch a special on the National Geographic channel instead.”

“Go out to Dinner? I think not. Why not just have a pizza delivered and not have to bother with dressing up and getting through all that traffic. Why leave the comfort of home if you don’t have to?”

Thinking about what to do (more likely what not do), how many aches and pains you have, the next horrible diagnosis, or the state of the economy might be useful, but if all you do is think and worry and procrastinate… that’s probably not so healthy.

axman

It’s Pills, Pills, Pills…

That’ll Cure Our Ills

I don’t see myself as a pill popper, but when I count up all the pills I take each day it appears that I am. I’m not alone! Pills are supposed to keep us healthy, prevent disease, and keep us alive when all else fails. So why do YOU take pills?

To numb our pains we all take pills.

For the upset from pain pills – more pills.

To manage cancer we take bunches of pills.

To manage the cancer pills we still take pills.

Of course if you can’t sleep – it’s pills.

Then to wake up and be alert we need pills.

If we’re lucky we get generic pills.

If not we swallow Name Brand pills.

Sometimes there’s a chance to get experimental pills.

Then there are ‘make water’ pills.

And ‘stop making water’ pills.

To start your heart you may need pills.

And to slow it down, take different pills.

After eating we take ‘full stomach’ pills.

Before eating it’s the ‘empty stomach’ pills.

So all our ills are treated with pills.

Or maybe those ills are caused by pills.

I’d write more but it’s time to take my pills.

axman

The Benefits of Winter Sun

…if you can find some

One of the many benefits of retirement is the opportunity to choose my own climate of residence. Each winter we try to spend a month or two in a place that’s warmer and dryer than western Oregon. So far - so good.

Spring, Summer, and Fall are tolerable most anywhere but Winter is a season of a different color. Fog, rain, ice, clouds, and short days are not high on my pleasure meter.

So, we try to spend a month or two in a warmer climate each winter – Arizona most of the time. It’s not perfect – nights are cold and the wind blows a bit – but overall 70 degree days and lots of clear skies tip the scales for me.

And don’t forget the health benefits of sunshine and vitamin D and such. I have to admit, however, that the major benefit is mental! Somehow waking up to sunshine, daily walks without rain, sitting in the sun, and picnics in January improve my outlook. From my wife’s point of view that means I’m less grumpy and that improves her mental outlook. That’s a two-fer.

axman